Dating a girl with absent father
I was too busy chasing these emotionally unavailable guys trying to get them to see what I had to offer even though they were the kinds of men who would never be capable of giving me what I wanted.
I now realize that I didn't really even know what I wanted.
This Father’s Day, accept the role that your dad plays in your life.
Accept the subconscious influence that your very first male relationship, the one you have with your dad, plays in your grown-up relationships with men.
The truth is that what I really wanted was to prove that I was worthy of being loved and given someone’s time and attention from a guy who wouldn't give it to me.
Apart from that, I had no idea what I wanted or what mattered. With a love that was as demonstrative as he knew how to give. Whatever I was looking for from him, it wasn't going to come from my dad who did the best he could with what he knew at the time.
And to make matters worse, I was chasing the ones who weren't on the same page as me.
No, I answered, it can’t be anything about him and our relationship. But the truth was that I just wasn't open to seeing it back then.
It was a quest for someone to finally come to me and choose me instead of the other way around. With a culture so filled with so many incorrect messages for dads about daughters and fathers and what father daughter relationships should look like. From someone who not only wasn't familiar with the term emotionally unavailable, but also couldn't possibly understand what that meant to me and the relationships I was having because of him. I wanted him to pursue me and not let me go when I was running away.
It was a pattern so familiar when I was willing to look beneath the surface and see that it was the only way I knew to be with a man. When I finally admitted this to myself and allowed myself to explore this further, I confronted my dad and tried to explain. Not to mention the way our dads themselves weren't loved in the ways that they so needed to be loved. He might have set the stage for what was to come, but it was me who needed to come to terms with the reality of what was and what had been and find my peace in accepting that reality for what it was. I wanted him to show me I could be myself and still be loved by him.
Women like y We can’t go back in time, and we can’t change the past. I’d love to hear your own thoughts around Father’s Day. What comes up for you when you think of your own father-daughter relationship? Want to learn more about bringing bringing him in closer (instead of him pulling away)?
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Once I figured out what my underlying belief was; , I was able to release myself from it.